literallyrad:

my english teacher is totally hot and today he told me in front of his entire class that he thought i was the funniest person he’s ever met and i said “funnier than your wife?” and now i have detention 

(via kuszco)

mitsukake:

raptorific:

The fact that wizard law enforcement found a dude’s finger and immediately closed the investigation, declared him dead, and concluded that the only possible explanation for why they only found a finger was that he was killed so hard that the rest of him was obliterated kind of speaks volumes about why nobody followed up when the genocidal serial killer just vanished.

The Ministry of Magic is fucking useless.

(via piercethehannah)

deplaisant:

dangerhamster:

the fact that people are like “Coca Cola supports racial equality, I’m not going to be drinking Coca Cola anymore” and “Google supports gay rights I’m not going to use them anymore” like what next “the Earth provides Oxygen to ethnic minorities I’m going to stop breathing in protest”

Hopefully

(via piercethehannah)

goddess-river:

what guys say PMS does:

  • turns women into emotional bitches

what PMS actually does:

  • increases breast size from retaining water
  • increases sex drive
  • lowers a woman’s tolerance for sexism

(via prettylittledancer)

sexioto:

that boy you just called gay? well he is gay. he’s your boyfriend. both of you are gay. how do you keep forgetting this, jeffery

(via ripallyargent)